Narcissistic Personality Disorder
May 14, 2005
Author: Julio Carlos Reyna, Psy.D.

The individual with narcissistic personality disorder has a sense of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.

His sense of grandiosity is clearly manifested when interacting with others. He feels he is “better than” whoever he is interacting with. Consequently, he has a pervasive need for admiration and often “brags” about things to get that needed admiration. Moreover, he lacks empathy and if challenged in his self-inflated worth he becomes offensive, puts down whoever challenged his inflated self-worth, and often times becomes verbally abusive.

But in order to display such grandiose sense of self, the narcissistic individual needs an audience. Thus, he cannot stand isolation. He may be isolated, but that is not the same as being OK with the isolation. Luckily, the narcissistic has to his advantage a pervasive need in many people in this society: the need to be a “go getter” or to rub shoulders with a “go getter.” How people define being a “go getter” may differ from individual to individual, but the basic view is that such person doesn’t wait for opportunities to show up, and such person is goal-driven, successful, intelligent, witty, and admired.

Did I mention that the narcissistic likes to be seen as successful, intelligent, and admired, among other things? Here then you have the recipe for a narcissistic long-lived grandiose sense of self. He loves to be seen as a goal-oriented “go getter.” (Let’s clarify that not all of the so-called “go getters” are narcissistic). Because the narcissistic lacks empathy, he eventually gets people angry, even the people who would die to be friends with a “go getter.” These are the same people who say such apparent “nice guy” was actually a big “jerk.” Sounds familiar?

If you cut ties with a narcissistic, he will not feel miserable, cry, or feel worthless because you “hurt him.” He may feel all of that and more, but that will be unrelated to you as a human being, but related to you as an object that dared to abandon such extraordinary and grandiose creation.